Just to add: my father had a problem growing up in that he was not shown love, and he had an itinerant father, apparently. It was never spoken of in the house. He has not shown love to me in my life. The only thing he has done is worked, and supported the family, and "stayed out of the way" so to speak. This has made me feel like expressing my emotions is wrong. It gets criticized. I somehow have to measure up to what is right, ie; what HE DOES, in order to be accepted in my own house. I am tired of having to suppress kindness and sentitivity, for fear of being called, which I have been called many times, A BABY. This gross misrepresentation of human emotion with which I was raised, is painfully eating away inside me. I am tired of the hard cement suit of armor I have worn all my life. I am tired of the mechanical responses, the jilted movements, the feet upon feet of distance, and personal space between us. I am tired of the blank stares at the TV set. The deaf ears to my "potential" with art, literature, music, leadership. I am TIRED! and SAD! or should I say, above all HURT AND WEARY!!!.
People, if you hear at all, Don't Judge. Let it be.
Just to add: my father had a problem growing up in that he was not shown love, and he had an itinerant father, apparently. It was never spoken of in the house. He has not shown love to me in my life. The only thing he has done is worked, and supported the family, and "stayed out of the way" so to speak. This has made me feel like expressing my emotions is wrong. It gets criticized. I somehow have to measure up to what is right, ie; what HE DOES, in order to be accepted in my own house. I am tired of having to suppress kindness and sentitivity, for fear of being called, which I have been called many times, A BABY.
ReplyDeleteThis gross misrepresentation of human emotion with which I was raised, is painfully eating away inside me. I am tired of the hard cement suit of armor I have worn all my life. I am tired of the mechanical responses, the jilted movements, the feet upon feet of distance, and personal space between us. I am tired of the blank stares at the TV set. The deaf ears to my "potential" with art, literature, music, leadership. I am TIRED! and SAD! or should I say, above all HURT AND WEARY!!!.
People, if you hear at all, Don't Judge. Let it be.